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Archive for January 22nd, 2011

 

 

Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT Updated: Dec 3rd 2010

 

Most women suffer from lack of self-confidence, even despite greater job and educational opportunities than ever before. As noted in an earlier post, the lack of self-esteem starts as early as nine years old for girls and steadily worsens in adolescence, even if they excel in school.

 
Self-confidence is a manifestation of self-esteem and self-worth. It all begins with a sense of “Self.” Younger than ever, girls today learn to dress and behave in ways to be accepted by their peers and attract boys’ attention. These are normal developmental challenges, but when the opinions of others dominate, girls learn to adapt to “other” esteem, and lose a connection to their own identity. If this pattern takes root, it’s a prescription for unhappiness and problems in work and relationships. It’s also one of the reasons women are less happy than men, particularly in recent years as traditional roles that once provided an identity for women have eroded. 

 

Without a sense of self, it is difficult to be alone, to make decisions, to set boundaries, to identify and accomplish goals, to succeed professionally, and to enjoy healthy, intimate relationships. Poor self-esteem underlies anxiety, depression, addiction, and sexual dysfunction.

 
Self-esteem varies on a continuum. Fortunately, you can grow your self-esteem and increase your capacity for self-fulfillment. It will enhance your creativity, ambition, physical and emotional health, loving relationships, and resilience in the face of adversity. It is the key to success. 

 

What do I actually mean by self-esteem and self-worth? It is a realistic, positive self-concept, humbly accepting your attributes and shortcomings. It is a feeling of worth, determined neither by comparison to nor approval from others. It is a feeling of appreciation and satisfaction with yourself, not based on beauty, talent, achievement, intelligence, status, or popularity. It is an inner contentment – a feeling of “I have value, worth, and am lovable.” Just as a toddler and each breed of dog, cat, and horse are unique and lovable, so are you. I use them as examples, because worth is intrinsic and not based on accomplishments or beauty, and need not be earned. Love from parents and others helps to establish self-esteem, but it is not a substitute. You can be loved and admired, even have prestige and material success, and still lack core self-esteem. Some leading actors and CEO’s can only temporarily bask in the reflection of their success, ever compelled to exceed their last performance. Without self-esteem, as soon as a lover leaves, self-worth plummets. Chasing after others’ approval, material possessions, physical perfection, or worldly success, even if achieved, is ephemeral and won’t result in self-esteem, because it is an inner state of consciousness, independent of external events – a peaceful state of mind – not striving, judging, competing, or in conflict with itself. This doesn’t mean you don’t have goals. On the contrary, more creativity, courage, and energy are freed to accomplish them, and more satisfaction is attained.

 
Developing a “Self,” requires time, attention, and responsibility, which is often so terrifying that people turn to others to determine what to think and how to feel and act. They hide, even from themselves, their inner emptiness. Only you can determine your values and what gives your life meaning, and only if you have the courage to be completely honest with yourself, will you begin to discover your real self. It means getting to know and love yourself – building a relationship, as you would with a friend – and becoming your own best friend. This takes attentive listening, quiet time, and commitment. But the alternative is to be lost at sea, continually trying to prove or improve yourself or win someone’s love, while never feeling truly lovable or enough – like something is missing. 

 

Read in Full: 

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=41277&cn=96



 Nashville classroom

Nashville classroom

December 3, 2010 

NASHVILLE (AP) — A new state report says Tennessee lacks standardized methods for training teachers of students with autism.

 The report by the Comptroller’s Offices of Research and Education Accountability also says there is insufficient information to track the effectiveness of the training.

The report is the second in a three-part series examining Tennessee public services for infants, children and youths with autism.

“Autism in Tennessee: Part 2 Education” provides an overview of education services available from birth through high school for autistic children.

According to the report, youths with autism will transition into and out of several different special education programs during their elementary and secondary education.

Source:  http://www.dnj.com/article/20101203/LIFESTYLE/101203003/State+report+cites+deficiency+in+autism+training



 AlexBarton.jpg

Alex Barton, circa 2008.



 

That was the explanation a recent visitor to the Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness in West Palm Beach, Fla. gave when asked why she starved herself to the point of hospitalization. She was eleven years old.

Anorexia and its sister-disorder, bulimia, have historically been thought of as striking white, middle to upper class teenage girls. But a recent report from the American Academy of Pediatrics warns doctors that eating disorders are happening to younger girls — and boys — at an alarming rate.

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“People tend to have this idea of who gets eating disorders, but an eating disorder doesn’t discriminate between age, gender, race, or class,” says Johanna Kandel, founder and director of the alliance.

“Some research says that as much as ten percent of those with eating disorders are under the age of ten. What I’m finding at the alliance is that the number of parents seeking help for their 7-, 8-, 9-year-olds is escalating rapidly,” she says.

A 2009 analysis found that in the last decade, hospitalizations for eating disorders more than doubled among children under twelve and now account for four percent of all such hospitalizations.

“Pediatricians need to be aware of the early symptoms of eating disorders because they are the medical professional that a child is mostly likely to see in any given year,” says Dr. Jim Lock, director of the Eating Disorder Program at Packard Children’s Hospital. “They are the gatekeepers.”

It used to be that the onset of an eating disorder tended to be around mid-adolescence, around age fifteen or around the time of first menses at about age thirteen. So why are there a growing number of girls who are showing signs of bingeing and purging as young as eight?

Read in Full:  http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/eating-disorders-prevelant-kids-twelve/story?id=12238077



 


by Nancy Ancowitz

How can you make socializing—and its oft-dreaded stunt double, networking—fun for the holidays if you’re an introvert? Does networking have to be a paint-by-numbers, smarm-filled, elevator pitchy kind of activity? Or can you make a handful of genuine connections even during this tinselly time of year?

Americans spend an average of 15 hours attending holiday social gatherings according to a recent Consumer Reports poll. That could mean hitting the party circuit three hours a week from the five weeks from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day. What’s an introvert to do? Socialize, of course—if you care about your career. And the corollary: pace yourself.

I say do it your way. Katharine Brooks, Ed.D., an introvert and author of You Majored in What?, agrees. “I navigate the holiday party season by creating my own smaller parties,” she says. “Because I’m the host, I keep busy with all the preparations and cooking, and I let my guests do the talking and mingling,” she adds. So how does Brooks interact with her guests? “They come and talk to me in the kitchen,” she says. “And since my kitchen overlooks the party area, I can still see what’s going on and listen in on conversations.”


Liz Lynch, author of Smart Networking, adds, “I started my business 10 years ago in late October, so holiday networking was vital for my prospecting strategy.” Lynch believes that networking with existing contacts is the fastest way to bring in new clients. Why? “Because the people who already know, like, and trust you are more ready to hire you or refer you to people they know,” she says.

 
How did Lynch get her business off the ground? “I accepted an invitation to a casual get-together some former colleagues organized at a local bar,” she says. “I’m a joiner, so I say ‘yes’ to most events. But I’m also an introvert, so I secretly hope that a natural disaster will force them to be canceled!” Lynch continues, “When no snowstorm manifested that evening, I found myself at the gathering actually enjoying catching up with folks I hadn’t seen in a couple of years. I focused more on rekindling the relationships and learning about what my acquaintances were doing now rather than trying to pitch my services.”

The upshot? “I can directly trace hundreds of thousands of dollars of consulting fees over the years from conversations I had at that event,” says Lynch. “The bottom line? You may be just one conversation away from your next big opportunity, so say, ‘yes’ to that invitation,” she advises.

In contrast, Brooks says, “It’s okay to turn down invitations.” She explains, “It’s so easy to fall into a people-pleasing trap and feel pressured to be more social. If you want to spend the time with one or two friends instead of parties, do that.” Agreed—as long as you’re maintaining a strong network through other means such as online social media, volunteer work, and serving on boards of directors.

Read in Full: 

 



 "Just Wanna Scream"


By Therese J. Borchard

When you feel like strangling the guy in front of you at Target, read these 7 Quick Ways to Calm Down, I laughed at the art that went with it because, well, I sort of looked like that the other day.

I needed a reminder of them, and I thought maybe you could use one too.

1. Walk Away

Know your triggers. If a conversation about global warming, consumerism, or the trash crisis in the U.S. is overwhelming you, simply excuse yourself. If you’re noise-sensitive and the scene at Toys-R-Us makes you want to throw whistling Elmo and his buddies across the store, tell your kids you need a time-out. (Bring along your husband or a friend so you can leave them safely, if need be.) My great-aunt Gigi knew her trigger points, and if a conversation or setting was getting close to them, she simply put one foot in front of another, and departed.

 

2. Close Your Eyes

Gently let the world disappear, and go within to regain your equilibrium. Ever since my mom came down with blepharospasm (a neurological tick of the eyelid), I’ve become aware of how important shutting our eyes is to the health of the nervous system. The only treatment available for this disorder is to have surgery that permanently keeps your eyelids open (you need to moisten them with drops, etc.). Such a condition would be living hell for my mom, because in closing her eyes she regains her balance and proper focus.

The only time I recommend not using this technique is on the road (if you’re driving).

3. Find Some Solitude

This can be challenging if you are at work, or at home with kids as creative and energetic as mine. But we all need some private time to let the nervous system regenerate.

I must have known this back in college, because I opted for a tiny single room (a nun’s closet, quite literally), rather than going in on a larger room with a closet big enough to store my sweaters. When three of my good friends begged me to go in with them on a killer quad, I told them, “Nope. Can’t do it. Need my alone time, or else none of you would want to be around me. Trust me.”

My senior year I went to the extent of pasting black construction paper on the window above my door so no one would know if I was there, in order to get the hours of solitude that I needed.

Be creative. Find your space. Any way you can. Even it involves black construction paper.

4. Go Outside

This is a true lifesaver for me. I need to be outside for at least an hour every day to get my sanity fix. Granted, I’m extremely lucky to be able to do so as a stay-at-home mom. But I think I would somehow work it into my schedule even if I had to commute into the city every day.

Even if I’m not walking or running or biking or swimming, being outside calms me in a way that hardly anything else can. With an hour of nature, I go from being a bossy, opinionated, angry, cynical, uptight person into a bossy, opinionated, cynical, relaxed person. And that makes the difference between having friends and a husband to have dinner with and a world that tells me to go eat a frozen dinner by myself because they don’t want to catch whatever grumpy bug I have.

5. Find Some Water

While watching Disney’s “Pocahontas” the other day with my daughter Katherine (yes, I do get some of my best insights from cartoons), I observed the sheer joy the main character shows upon paddling down the river, singing about how she is one with the water. It reminded me of how universal the mood effects of water are, and how healing.

On the rainy or snowy days that I can’t walk the double stroller over to our local creeks, I do something the global-warming guys say not to; take a long shower, imagining that I am in the middle of a beautiful Hawaiian rain forest.

“Water helps in many ways,” writes Elaine Aron. “When overaroused, keep drinking it–a big glass of it once an hour. Walk beside some water, look at it, listen to it. Get into some if you can, for a bath or a swim. Hot tubs and hot springs are popular for good reasons.”

Read in Full: 


 

 

Windsurf Publishing LLC offers a new book called What Can You Expect When You Fly? by Maureen Lagana for children with autism and other developmental disabilities. What Can You Expect When You Fly? was created to help reduce the stress of airline travel for children with autism who benefit from knowing what to expect in advance.

 

Greenwich, CT (PRWEB) November 26, 2010

 

Windsurf Publishing LLC now offers a book for children on the autism spectrum to help prepare them for airport and airplane travel. Many children with autism and other developmental disabilities have challenges in public settings such as airports. Airport travel can be quite difficult because many children with autism can get overwhelmed from the crowds of people, noises, demands of standing on long lines, and going through airport security. What Can You Expect When You Fly? by Maureen Lagana is written by someone who knows. The author is the mother of a child with autism who is also the narrator of this book. And yes, in real life he is on the autism spectrum. Pictures and text in this book are used to both visually and verbally prepare these children for airplane travel.

 

Maureen Lagana remembers when her son didn’t travel as well as he does now. There was a time when it was particularly challenging because her child would not be able to stand in the long lines at the airport without getting upset and having some anxiety. Yet, although her son travels much better now, she doesn’t think there is enough substantive support for families with children with autism at our airports nationwide. She feels that in her experience there was no one to go to for assistance if needed and that most airports do not have enough proactive protocols in place to help families with children with autism. As airplane security and travel is increasingly getting more invasive on people, this should be a concern of airport personnel and policy. Many children with autism get very upset when people touch them. For some, it could feel like someone is hurting them. And for many others standing still, even for a few seconds or minutes through an airline security machine, can be challenging. What kinds of accommodations are going to be made for these children? And what is most concerning to Windsurf Publishing LLC, who is supportive to families with autism, is whom can you go to if you need assistance?

 

What Can You Expect When You Fly? is a book that can help many children with autism that are not yet comfortable during airport and airplane travel. It is a what to expect book just for children with autism and other disabilities. You can rehearse what to expect with your son or daughter and help to prepare them for a future trip. While Windsurf Publishing LLC is pleased to make this title available, it’s timing is interesting. Airline companies are starting to get involved in mock flight preparation for children with autism that need it. While Windsurf Publishing LLC thinks this is great, Windsurf Publishing LLC also feels that there are still much needed interpersonal protocols for airport personnel and how they treat individuals with autism and their families.


http://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Can-You-Expect-When/dp/1936509024/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1363642518&sr=8-1

 

What Can You Expect When You Fly? by Maureen Lagana is available at Amazon online, Barnes and Noble online, and many others internationally.

 

Source: 

http://www.redorbit.com/news/education/1956794/autism_and_airline_travel_a_new_book_for_children_with/index.html



 Dora Raymaker courtesy image

Dora Raymaker, above, of Portland, Ore., offers an inside look at living with autism. She is a member of the Oregon Commission on Autism Spectrum Disorder, co-director of the Academic Autistic Spectrum Partnership in Research and Education (www.aaspire.org) and sits on the board of directors of the Autistic Self Advocacy Network (autisticadvocacy.org).

Can you speak to the importance of relationships in your life?

My relationships are the reason why I’m alive. That is not hyperbole. I’ve been very fortunate in that I’ve always had good people around me who care about me and who have been able to support me (and I them) and keep me safe and fed.

What about autism makes it difficult to maintain relationships?

The biggest difficulty I have is that it can be really hard for me to remember to, or figure out how to, contact people … . One way I deal with this is to make dates with people far in advance and get the dates solidly in my schedule. Every time I meet a new person, I learn a whole new language (and they need to learn at least a small amount of Dora-ese). This can be slow and a lot of work for both of us, but I also think it results in relationships that are richer and more honest and committed. It is hard to enter into a trivial or throw-away relationship with me.

There’s a perception that people with autism can’t internalize emotions and can’t empathize with others.

Just because someone may not express emotions in a way that is recognizable to others does not mean they are not feeling them. I often feel things too deeply or have too much empathy and have to run away, not because I am callous, but because I feel so strongly it causes my brain to shut down or freak out.

The notion that we don’t have feelings frees up people to commit atrocities against us without accountability. A person involved with my local school system once told me they heard a well-known educational speaker tell a room full of autism specialists not to worry about autistic students being bullied because the autistic students don’t have any feelings.

How do you help friends and family members empathize with you?

I love that it’s recognized that others have just as much of a responsibility to understand us as we have to understand them.

It took me a long time to realize I did need to explain my experience of the world to others in order to facilitate clear communication and understanding. Non-autistic people typically assume that I experience the world in some way similar to them, which leads to a lot of misunderstandings and at times dangerous situations, and I suppose I am no different.

Read in Full:  http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/home/50340283-76/autism-experience-autistic-relationships.html.csp



 Canary Wharf Reflections

The Government announced a review of specialist disability employment programmes on 2 December 2010.

Ensuring equality for disabled people is a key priority for the Coalition Government. Since May 2010, the Government has set out an ambitious programme of employment support to ensure that people disadvantaged in the labour market will get the help they need to find and keep jobs. Our aim is that Government programmes should support more disabled people than ever before into employment.

On 25 October, DWP launched Work Choice – a new flagship programme to support disabled people with complex disability-related barriers to work. From summer 2011, the Work Programme will provide personalised employment support to a wide range of customers, including disabled people. Building on these foundations, the Department has announced an independent review of specialist disability employment programmes. Liz Sayce, Chief Executive of RADAR, the UK’s largest disability campaigning organisation, is leading this review.

To support this review the Government has published the following call for evidence. This provides an opportunity for people and organisations to submit written evidence to inform the review. We expect to publish the review by summer 2011.

This call for evidence will close on 28 February 2011.

Please send your responses or any queries about this document to:

Disability Employment Support Review Team
Disability and Work Division
Floor 2
Caxton House,
Tothill Street,
London, SW1H 9NA.

Email: employmentsupport.review@dwp.gsi.gov.uk
Fax: 0207 449 5746

Please ensure your response reaches us by 28 February 2011

Source:  http://dwp.gov.uk/consultations/2010/disability-employment.shtml



    South Pasadena Middle School

South Pasadena Middle School

By Margaret Finnegan

I could tell you that my husband and I moved our children from South Pasadena public schools to private ones because of “fit,” and that would be true. Children are not interchangeable widgets, and to assume they will all thrive in the same environment is perhaps naive. But, mostly, we moved our children because it got to the point where I could not drive by the South Pasadena Middle School without crying.

Know this: There are good people at SPMS. Eric Aispuro gets to school an hour early every day to tutor students in math. Sella Simonian brings ancient history alive. The nurse, the administrative assistants, the counselors, the recently retired librarians: good people, every one.

But my kids are not widgets, and if you want to thrive at SPMS, it seems to me that not only do you have to be a widget, but you also have to be a high-achieving widget with no issues. To do well in your 38-student classes you’ve got to be smart, independent, energetic and self-motivated. If your parents can afford tutors or stay home and oversee your homework, that’s a plus.

You will need these advantages because SPMS demands a lot from children, which is appropriate. But I am not sure demanding a lot is the same thing as turning education into a rat race. Last year, my children spent the better part of all their weekends on homework, and that doesn’t even include the hours they spent on it most school nights–this despite the fact that evidence presented to the South Pasadena Unified School District’s own homework committee showed that more than about 90 minutes of homework a night is counter-productive in the middle-school years. 

I’m also not sure that demanding a lot from children is the same thing as providing quality instruction. Let me say it again: SPMS has some outstanding educators, but it’s got clunkers too. I’m just saying what everyone knows. I used to think this was OK. Who hasn’t survived a bad teacher, after all?  This is an actual statement I remember making to an SPMS mother: “In 7th grade, it doesn’t matter which teacher track your kids gets because there is a stinker in each one. So it’s fair.” But is that fair?  Is that even acceptable? 

Outside the classroom, your child will do well to be athletic, socially adept and familiar with the right pop culture references. Without them, go ahead and start them on anti-depressives. You won’t be the first. This is a competitive town–again, I’m just saying what everybody knows–and no place is more competitive than the SPMS quad, where people will even make fun of you if have seizures. I know. My daughter has seizures and she spent most of last year hearing people sing-song “seizure, seizure” behind her back–even at graduation. 

Early on, when I met with the school about this, I was told, “Don’t worry, Mrs. Finnegan, earlier it was the boy with autism. It’ll pass.”  It didn’t, and that’s pretty cold comfort anyway, especially if you’re the mother of the kid who is gay or has ADHD or has whatever difference someone decides to prey on.

When my kids were younger, I worked within the system. I volunteered in classrooms. I was a room parent. I organized science fairs. I served on School Site Council at Marengo and on the SPUSD homework committee. But I couldn’t help my daughter feel safe at her own promotion.

Read in Full:  http://southpasadena.patch.com/articles/paying-for-superman