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January 2011



Recent Posts


Positive Relationships

by Michelle Gielan

An important relationship in my life just ended… and I’ll admit it, I didn’t really see it coming.  That event has sparked a lot of thinking about relationships in general, and why I value them as much as I do (I am happy I do!).  Having healthy, productive relationships with my family and friends is the most important thing to me in life. What I have come to more fully understand recently are the reasons why positive connections with others matter so much to me.

Positive, productive relationships demand the best of us. For a friendship or marriage to allow both people to flourish, each person is an active participant in helping create the other one’s positive future. Whether we are a friend, lover, daughter, or grandparent, each relationship gives us a chance to invest our energy in making another person’s reality better. Each of us needs to fully show up, be present, listen, express ourselves, and care for the other, and that requires time and attention.  When it all works out well, and we can see the happiness on the other’s face, that creates, at least for me, the best feeling of satisfaction in the world.

Relationships teach us about ourselves. Sometimes, for good or bad, the person standing in front of us can be a mirror showing us who we really are. If we don’t like something in them, there are chances we don’t like it in ourselves. Friendships also give us a chance to watch ourselves in action. We can, on a moment-to-moment basis, pay attention to what we are thinking, feeling, or doing in response to what is happening externally. We can plug into our life story anytime, and learn from it.

Read in Full:  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lights-camera-happiness/201009/positive-relationships

Do Opposites Attract?

Marina Edelman, MA Updated: Sep 22nd 2010

We all want to find love. But do we know a compatible mate when we see them or should we smell them? Do opposites really attract? Don’t we want someone with similar outlook on life and common interests?

In the past research has shown that as we fall in love, our brains experience a rise in dopamine and our sympathetic nervous system gets aroused as our blood pressure goes up. Simultaneously we begin to blush, feel butterflies in our bellies and become week in the knees. By discussing personal matter and maintaining eye contact we accelerate this feeling of arousal. A new dating site ScientificMatch.com is taking sexual chemistry to a new level by asserting that through DNA samples a better match can be made. Are they on to something? Recently a TV show called Dating in the Dark asked three women participants to smell the recently worn shirts of their three male counterparts and identify who they were drawn to. Does the nose know more than the eyes? A woman may be able to smell a man’s gene pool origins or major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes. Researchers have found that most people tend to be attracted to individuals who possess body odors that are unlike their own natural smell. An exception to that is a woman who is on the pill, her sense of smell changes and can therefore manipulate what scents she finds appealing.

Read in Full:  http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=39647&cn=289


When Your Husband Isn’t Like a Wall — He Is a Wall

By Daniel Tomasulo, Ph.D.

“The Great Wall of China’s attractive, but he’s too thick – my husband is sexier.”
– Eija-Riitta Eklöf-Berliner-Mauer,
The woman who married the Berlin Wall

Do objects have souls?

A few weeks ago my laptop’s battery was in trouble and I had to bring it in for a checkup. While the computer was being fixed my Blackberry simply stopped operating. I was frantic.

I felt betrayed by the objects I rely on, ‘love’ and care for. “Why is this happening to me?” was my new mantra.

One of my friends suggested that Mercury was in retrograde; another asked if I had done something to offend my favorite objects. We laughed, recalling a Woody Allen routine where his appliances are on the fritz and he hits them, and when he goes into the elevator the elevator asks if he was the one who roughed up the toaster.

We all have a connection to objects. The more contact we have with them, the more intimate our relationship, the more we ascribe to them human feelings and gender attributes. “The car died – she won’t turn over” and “I love my new phone” are common examples.

But where does it end?

I can honestly say I love the earth and mean it. I want to nurture and protect it and save it, and I’m committed. As the saying goes, good planets are hard to find. But I don’t feel there is reciprocity. I don’t think Earth is in love with me. The relationship is one-way. If I thought the earth was being friendly toward me, I would be engaging in animism, the term used for giving human qualities to inanimate objects. Adding sexual arousal and gratification to the dynamic, we have fetishes or paraphilias.

So, I admit I love the earth. But can you love the Berlin Wall? Psychologists are pondering a new classification, called objectophilia or objectum-sexuals. Outside of a few news reports and a few experts weighing in, little has been written about it. I found no clinical studies. But there is an official website for persons with Objectum Sexuality.

Read in Full:  http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/09/23/when-your-husband-isnt-like-a-wall-he-is-a-wall/

The Best Way to Meet Someone

It’s not a date, it’s an experiment in the lab of love

There’s a fantastic discussion on the science of dating over at Dr Petra that tackles how effective the techniques used by ‘scientific matching’ companies really are, and whether common dating advice is actually any good.

Petra recently ran a ‘Science of Pulling’ event at the British Science Festival (Americans: ‘pull’ is British slang meaning ‘to gently woo’) where she covered everything from how researchers actually go about studying couples to the myths of dating advice – in light of the extensive research on relationships.

Read in Full:  http://mindhacks.com/2010/09/20/its-not-a-date-its-an-experiment-in-the-lab-of-love/

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