 
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on July 30, 2010
Despite calls for men to be more sensitive and responsive to feelings, a new study suggests society still prefers for men to be bold and dominant.
Corinne A. Moss-Racusin, a doctoral candidate in Rutgers’ Department of Psychology, explored the consequences for men (and women) when they acted modestly in job interviews.
She co-authored, with graduate fellow Julie E. Phelan and Professor Laurie A. Rudman, “When Men Break the Gender Rules: Status Incongruity and Backlash Against Modest Men†in the journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity.
According to Moss-Racusin, the applicants in the staged interviews were judged equally competent, but the “modest†males were less liked, a sign of social backlash.
Modesty was viewed as a sign of weakness, a low-status character trait for males that could adversely affect their employability or earnings potential. Modesty in women, however, was not viewed negatively nor was it linked to status.
“For men and women, there are things they must and must not be,†Moss-Racusin says.
“Women must be communal and other-oriented, but they must not be dominant. Historically and cross-culturally, men have been stereotyped as more agentic, that is, more independent and self-focused than women.â€
Read in Full:Â http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/07/30/better-for-men-to-be-macho-than-modest/16236.html
Courtship to Marriage: A Tricky Transaction
In Greek mythology, there are some marvelous stories of marriage. Here, for instance, are two tales about how Zeus and Hera tricked each other into marriage and the inevitable disappointments that follow such chicanery. These stories are wonderful parables for the present.
Wounded Birds
Zeus, the chief and most macho of the gods, fell in love with Hera. An independent and proud goddess, she was not swept off her feet by his wooing and rejected his offer of marriage. Zeus, wounded by this rejection but still wanting the fair Hera, decided to trick her by disguising himself as a poor, bedraggled, wounded bird. Hera, upon seeing the creature, took pity on it. The bird’s suffering struck a sympathetic chord deep within her own heart and she tenderly warmed the pathetic but charming creature at her bosom. Thus it was that Zeus, the great thrower of thunderbolts, won the heart of Hera and eventually tricked her into marriage.
There is much to be learned from this story. Wounded birds can be most disarming. Women often can sense an underlying tenderness and vulnerability that is born of childhood mistreatment or prior hurtful relationships beneath the veneer of macho men. These otherwise independent women will go to incredible lengths to succor such men, especially women whose fathers had a similar core of sadness. They long to fulfill an old desire to restore the wounded bird to health through the generous gift of a love that transcends any love they have ever known.
Read in Full:Â http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/courtship-to-marriage-a-tricky-transaction/
Â
Make-Up Sex and Other Forms of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotage always sounds a little absurd. The idea that our brains could want to act against us is a perversity that is difficult to grasp. After all, if our behaviors were all directed toward survival of the species, why would a brain decide to contradict this principle? Here are some perspectives from brain science that explain the basis of self-sabotage.
(1) The unconscious brain does not hear “do” or “do not” [1]: When we want our brains to do things, they usually obey commands. If you say: “get up and walk to the bathroom” the brain will do this. If you ask you brain to stop and look to the left and right prior to crossing, it will oblige. But under conditions of stress, when you say to your brain: “do not drop the red wine” it drops the red wine. This is because under stress the conscious brain has its lights turned out, and the unconscious brain takes over. However, the unconscious brain responds mostly to the “impact” part of the sentence and hears “drop the wine”. Many, many examples of this exist. When people are asked not to think of a word, under stress, they offer precisely that word. Any forbidden idea is more arousing to the brain. Thus, when we think of “not hurting” ourselves, under stress, the brain may do exactly the opposite.
(2) Pleasure and pain are inextricably related [2]: When we experience pain, the body releases mind-altering substances like endorphins which are released to relieve the pain. We are prone to being addicted to this pain since we become addicted to the associated pleasure. When this translates to “make-up sex” the results may not be so detrimental, but when it translates to self-mutilation this can become a problem. Not surprisingly then, there are reports that cocaine abuse (which introduces opiates into the blood and brain) may lead to self-mutilation [3]. The addiction to pleasure may in itelf be a form of pain and stuckness.
Read in Full:Â http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/debunking-myths-the-mind/201007/make-sex-and-other-forms-self-sabotage
Â
New Book Takes A Look At How New Media Is Used To End Relationships
Article Date: 26 Jul 2010 – 0:00 PDT
Leslie checked her Facebook profile late one day and discovered that she was suddenly single. Her now ex-boyfriend had met someone new and she learned this through the ubiquitous news feed that presented her personal rejection like a breaking news story.
When he changed his Facebook profile, he also changed hers as well — they were no longer announced as a couple. Their friends received the news before she had.
There are now many more ways to break up — both in public and in private — and many of them are virtual.
Leslie was one of 72 people that Ilana Gershon, an assistant professor in the Department of Communication and Culture at Indiana University Bloomington, interviewed at length for her new book, The Breakup 2.0: Disconnecting Over New Media (Cornell University Press).
“I was interested in the ways in which people were using new media to break up with each other and also the ways in which new media — which is designed to create connections — creates all sorts of problems when you’re using it to disconnect,” Gershon said.
“Almost everyone still thinks that people should break up face-to-face,” Gershon said. “The only people I interviewed who thought that face-to-face was less than ideal would imagine that they were the ones doing the breaking up, not that they were being dumped.
“But the thing that surprised me is that breaking up by talking on the phone is now much more acceptable than it was 15 or 20 years ago,” she added. “Because you have all these different options for ending relationships — texting, instant messaging, Facebook, e-mail, Twitter — having an actual spoken conversation, even if it isn’t face-to-face, is now widely seen as acceptable.”
Of the people she interviewed, 67 were people who communicate frequently with new technologies, undergraduate college students. “I’m surrounded by a group of people that are breaking up fast and furiously and they were the ones ready to talk to me,” she quipped.Â
Read in Full:Â http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/195733.php
Â
Romantic Breakup Similar to Overcoming Addiction
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on July 26, 2010
A recent study shows why it is so hard to end a relationship.
Stony Brook University scientists found evidence that it may be partly due to the areas of the brain that are active during this difficult time.
The team of researchers, which included Arthur Aron, Ph.D., professor of social and health psychology and former graduate students Greg Strong and Debra Mashek looked at subjects who had a recent breakup and found that the pain and anguish they were experiencing may be linked to activation of parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings.
The study was published in the July issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology.
Read in Full:Â http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/07/26/romantic-breakup-similar-to-overcoming-addiction/16019.html
Â
The American Quest for Bliss in Marriage Has a Checkered Past
Â
Relationships, Former Lovers, and Trust
 
Leave a Reply