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I’ve been writing about ways that you can handle your unemployment: Unemployed and Ruminating: Seven Steps to Turning it Around; When Self-Criticism is True: Turn Self-Criticism into Self-Correction; The Shame of Unemployment; Facing Unemployment: Ten Steps to Handling Your Unemployment Anxiety and I have discussed this on a variety of NPR radio programs across the country (click here). The enormous interest in the media on coping with unemployment reflects not only our recognition that millions of people are out of work and will continue to be unemployed, but that unemployment can be psychologically devastating. You may be reading this because you are unemployed—but also because you have a family member or friend who is unemployed.

 

How can you help?

1. Talk about it and validate it
Many unemployed people feel ashamed of their situation. They often believe that others look down on them, think of them as a burden and don’t want to hear about what is going on. They also may feel, “You don’t know what I am going through”. As a friend or family member it’s important to make space and time for opening up. Simply saying, “I know this is a rough time for you and I want you to know I am here for you. If you need to talk, please feel free to talk with me. Maybe this is a time I can really be on your side.”

2. Reach out
Many people who are unemployed feel ashamed and feel like a burden. They often say, “People don’t want to be around me”. But it may be that the unemployed person is isolating himself or herself. Take the initiative—call them up. Yes, use the phone. The personal contact on the phone matters. And then suggest that you get together and have dinner, a drink, coffee, or take a walk. Reach out and connect.

3. Don’t blame
One of the worst things to do is to blame the person for being unemployed. Bringing up past “mistakes” (“You got yourself fired”) or labeling the person (“You can’t keep a job”) will only make matters much worse. This is a rough time and they need your support-not additional negativity. Even if you were right in your criticism, what good will it do now.

4. Don’t nag
Although you want your friend or partner to be more active in searching for a job or getting busy, nagging and complaining only makes matters worse. “Get off your butt and start looking!” is not a motivational enhancer. Instead, try the following:

5. Reward every step forward
You get a lot further by noticing the positives, labeling them and being a cheer-leader. Rather than nag and criticize, notice the positive steps your friend or partner is making and say, “That was terrific that you made those calls today” or “That was wonderful that you sent out your resume”. Also reward activities that are simply healthy behaviors-like exercise, seeing friends, taking classes. You build confidence on positives.

Read in Full:  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-files/201008/how-support-someone-who-is-unemployed-seven-steps-making-difference