



The Today Show recently did a piece on married couples that people in significant relationships may find relevant in today’s day and age.
The three questions they pondered were:
- 1. Money – Should couples married couples (or people in long term relationships) have a joint account or separate accounts?
- 2. Grooming – When it comes to the bathroom, should there be boundaries?
- 3. Alone time – Should there be alone time in each relationship or is it OK to be attached at the hip?
These are topics that often come up in therapy; the only one that is missing here is a question about what is too much or too little sex in a relationship?
Psychiatrist Dr. Maria Padro hit the nail on the head when she implied, at the end of the day, there are no shoulds when it comes to these questions. In fact, we need to watch out for the shoulds when they naturally arise as automatic answers to these questions.
Read Article in Full:Â http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=29841&cn=289
April 14, 2009
How easily we grow into our new role can be helped along or hindered by our in-laws.
When you get married, like it or not, you marry into each others’ families. Most of us have no idea what that means until we’ve been married a while. We assume that because our intended is the epitome of wonderfulness, their parents are great as well.
If you are lucky, and I hope you are, your new or future in-laws already know that Good In-Laws….
- 1. Maintain respectful boundaries. They treat their new son/daughter-in-law as the full-fledged grown up they are; as they treat their own adult child.
- 2. Do not assume instant love. Good in-laws know relationships need time and nurturing to grow.
- 3. Never give unsolicited advice. Never. They wait to be asked and even then answer only the question posed and wait for the next question.
- 4. Visit only when invited and limit calls to a reasonable once in a while. If the newlyweds are living with them, good in-laws are respectful of the young couple’s privacy.
- 5. Never complain about the non-blood family member to their adult child. If they have a problem with their child-in-law they think long and hard before deciding it is necessary to tell that person directly. Most good in-laws just hold their tongue.
- 6. When good in-laws visit they resist the urge to point out and fix whatever is broken. No matter how handy they are, a good in-law waits to be asked and then helps (if they want to) without conditions.
- 7. Understand that the adult child’s primary allegiance must be with their spouse. Good in-laws defer to the newlyweds as a couple and make it clear that they are there for both of them. They never assume they can come between them by working one against the other. Or by saying something absurd like, “But I’m your mother, so of course you want to please me first.â€
- 8. Good in-laws understand the new couple needs to blend the traditions of two families and honor their need to find their own way of doing things. Good in-laws do not presume that “Our way is the right way.â€
- 9. Don’t insist the new relative call them ‘Mom’ or ‘Dad’ or ‘Mother Brown’ or ‘Miss Sally’. The good in-law is flexible and sensitive to what their new child-in-law is comfortable with and will figure it out together using a good dose of humor.
- 10. Resist the urge to enable troubles the new couple may have. They don’t “rescue†them by throwing money at the problem or in any way encouraging dependence rather than independence.
- 11. Are not competitive with the new couple or with the other set of parents.
- 12. Good in-laws have satisfying lives of their own and mind their own business.
And to complete a baker’s dozen.
Good in-laws understand that becoming a grandma or grandpa is not license to ignore 1-12.
9 Steps to Better Communication Today
April 14, 2009
Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum. They exist between two emotional human beings who bring their own past experiences, history, and expectations into it. Two different people also have different levels of skill when it comes to communication. But better communication, because it is a skill, can also be learned.
The most popular myth about communication in relationships is that since you talk to your partner, you’re automatically communicating. While talking to your partner is indeed a form of communication, if it’s primarily about everyday, “surfacey†topics (“How were the kids?†“How was work?†“How’s your mother?â€), you’re not really communicating about the important stuff. This article is primarily about how to talk in a more open and rewarding manner with your significant other.
Communication either makes or breaks most relationships. You can improve your relationship today, right now, by putting into practice some of these tips for improving the communication in your relationship.
Read Article in Full:Â http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/04/14/9-steps-to-better-communication-today/

Why Do We Choose Our Mates? Ask Charles Darwin, Prof Says
Article Date: 16 Jun 2009 – 7:00 PDT

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