


Archive for January 22nd, 2011

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Ten-year-old Caleb Ward, of Linby Road, suffers from Fragile X Syndrome, which is the most common genetic cause of autism. It means he gets anxious, struggles to interact socially and has difficulties in forming relationships with others.
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But since being suspended for five days on two occasions in June and July — amid claims he charged at teachers — he has been out of the educational system.
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The school’s head teacher, Pat Snowdon, and Notts County Council, have rubbished this, saying a place is available for Caleb. He has also been offered a spot at the Carlton Digby Special School in Mapperley.
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“He was doing really well,†said Nichola, who has three other children — Trinity (eight), Lucas (five) and Bay (two), who also has Fragile X.
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“As far as we were concerned, he was experiencing breakthroughs. He was starting to play with other children and write words for the first time. But we were called into the school because Caleb had started to become more aggressive.
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“He was suspended twice and then we had to pick him up every lunchtime.â€
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“Caleb’s parents, however, have expressed a preference to move their son to a special school and have therefore not allowed him to return to school for the term that began in September.
 
Article Date: 01 Dec 2010 – 2:00 PST
For many of us, the festive season around Christmas brings out our worst over-indulgent habits: we eat, drink and spend more than we would normally do, and regret it come New Year when we step on those scales, or the credit card bill lands on the doormat.

Mindful Drinking

Mindful Eating
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 Make sure you have about 20 minutes on your own when you won’t be disturbed, and have a small bowl of raisins with you.
- *Pick up a raisin: put it in the palm of your hand, press it, look at it, examine it from all angles, see how it reflects the light, then squash it a bit between your fingers, explore its textures, colors, and smell.
- *Then put it in your mouth, gently roll it around and let the taste buds on your tongue slowly sense the raisin, without biting it.
- *Then, bite into it, and again, roll it around in your mouth, explore its taste and texture with your tongue.
- *Now chew it, slowly, and again, be aware with all your senses of the stage by stage transformation of shrivelled, dried up grape to the chewed morsel releasing its sweetness and flavor in your mouth.
- *Then, and only then, allow yourself to swallow it.
- *Imagine what is happening to the raisin as it travels down your gullet into your stomach, and then into your gut.

Mindful Shopping
- 1. Why am I here?
- 2. How do I feel (good, bad, uncertain, guilty, sad, frustrated, etc)?
- 3. Do I need this (how much would it score on the necessity index)?
- 4. What if I wait?
- 5. How will I pay for it?
- 6. Where will I put it?

Everyday Mindfulness

 
Article Date: 01 Dec 2010 – 0:00 PST
Women who publicly confront instances of sexism in the workplace tend to feel more capable and competent in their jobs and about themselves in general, a new study shows.
The research from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln examined how both men and women perceive, react to and relate to everyday episodes of workplace prejudice, and found that women who challenge sexist behavior experience psychological benefits such as self-esteem, empowerment and competence.
“Most everyday instances of prejudice are somewhat subtle, but things like sexist jokes can undermine workplace performance and perceptions of competence and control for women,” said Sarah Gervais, assistant professor of psychology at UNL and the study’s lead author. “Importantly, directly challenging such instances of sexism can serve as an antidote for negative psychological effects – turning a negative event into an instance that makes women feel better about themselves and their work, and even to feel empowered.”
For the study, researchers set up a simulated online interaction. After participants were presented with a sexist comment that was openly directed at a woman in the group, they were given the chance to respond publicly to the statement and discuss its appropriateness.
The analysis showed that workers of both sexes most likely to confront the comment were the ones who were more “communal oriented” – that is, they saw their workplace as a community, and were naturally more willing to help others, with no expectation of getting anything in return.
Unlike women who confronted the sexist remark, calling out the employee’s sexist behavior had little relationship to men’s general feelings of competence, self-esteem or empowerment at work. That suggests, Gervais said, that confronting workplace prejudice may be particularly important for those who are the traditional victims of the behavior – in this case, women.
Gervais said the study’s findings also could help employers look at confrontation of workplace prejudice in a different light, promoting a work culture that would foster greater understanding between employees.
The study is the first to examine employees’ communal orientation as a factor in confronting workplace prejudice, and suggests that companies may want to think about ways to reward workers for helping others, Gervais said.
Also according to the study:
- Participants who identified as “exchange oriented” — more self-interested and likely to think about what personal gains might be made in helping others — were far less likely to confront the sexist comment.
- It is possible that “communal oriented” people are perhaps not equally concerned with the needs of all others. Instead of allowing the offender in the simulation to save face, it seems communal oriented participants were more concerned about the needs of women in the group and the importance of acting in a socially responsible way.
“Challenging prejudice can be good for the workplace and can help overcome some of the negative effects victims of prejudice might experience,” Gervais said. “The next time you hear a prejudiced statement, it could be an opportunity to make a difference for yourself and others.”
Read in Full:Â http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/209605.php
 
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VICTORIAN childcare centres have been caught out breaching the law, we reveal the worst cases.
A FOUR-year-old who escaped from kindergarten by scaling a fence is among the latest in a string of breaches at Victorian childcare centres.
The Each Child Community Child and Family Centre in Ringwood East was fined $2500 after pleading guilty to a breach of the Children’s Services Act 1996.
Peter Ruzyla, acting CEO of EACH, the community services and healthcare group that runs the centre, said the case involved an autistic boy who climbed over a child-proof fence similar to those around pools while a staff member who was supposed to be supervising him comforted another child who had fallen over.
The runaway was returned to the centre by a member of the public.
The centre had since replaced the fence with a sheer steel version.
In West Wimmera Shire, Kaniva Kindergarten was ordered to take emergency action for breaches relating to the supervision and discipline of children and a lack of adequate programs to meet their developmental needs.
The two childcare providers are the only ones in Victoria to have attracted formal warnings or prosecution since May 25 last year.
Read in Full:Â http://www.heraldsun.com.au/ipad-application/kindergarten-fined-over-runaway/story-fn6bfm6w-1225963032627
 
Dr. Dan L. Edmunds has been called the ‘voice of compassion’ in the mental health system. He has vehemently challenged the psychiatric establishment arguing that people need people, not drugs and that relationship with another person has powerful ability to heal. Dr. Edmunds pioneered a project termed “Prince 104”, similar to Soteria, he took seriously distressed individuals who under traditional mental health practice would be hospitalized and loaded with psychiatric drugs. Instead, Dr. Edmunds found them a place to stay in the local community and spent quality time with them daily seeking to understand and guide them through their experiences. Dr. Edmunds helped a young autistic man enter college and he is now continuing to graduate school and arranged ordination to a minor order for a person with Down’s Syndrome whose dream was to become a priest. Dr. Edmunds is in private practice in Tunkhannock, PA and also provides therapeutic services in Bradford, Susquehanna, and Wyoming counties of Northeastern Pennsylvania. He is the Founder of the Center for Humane Psychiatry- www.humanepsychiatry.com
 
Paul Dirac (1902 – 1984)
Paul Adrien Maurice Dirac was born at 15 Monk Road in Bishopston, Bristol, BS7 on the 8th August 1902, and was to become Bristol’s greatest mathematician. He is regarded as one of the most influential scientists of the twentieth century. He made many crucial contributions to quantum mechanics and shared the 1933 Nobel Prize for Physics ‘for the discovery of new and productive forms of atomic theory’. Professor Stephen Hawkin said of him in 1995 ‘Dirac has done more than anyone this century, with the exception of Einstein, to advance physics and change our picture of the universe’.
Published 29 November 2010
Instead of wanting to eliminate autism, we need to accept that there really is no such thing as “normal” behaviour.
This year the Royal Society has been marking its 350th anniversary. Among the most important figures in the history of British science are Henry Cavendish and Paul Dirac. In the 18th century Cavendish made major breakthroughs in the field of chemistry while in the 20th century Dirac revolutionised our understanding of quantum mechanics and the sub-atomic world. However, they have something else in common too – it’s highly likely that they were both autistic. So what impact did the condition have on the lives of these two remarkable men? And could 21st century scientific advances ironically mean that another genius on the scale of Cavendish or Dirac is less likely to come along in the future?
Autism is a lifelong developmental disability that affects the way an individual interacts with others, make sense of the world and processes information. Today, more than half a million people in the UK are estimated to have autism (around one in 100 people) and it’s more common in men than women. Whenever we meet a person, we can normally judge from their facial expression, body language and voice intonation what their mood is and respond appropriately. However, those with autism find it harder to read these signals. They usually have difficulty with communication, interpersonal skills and empathy. An autistic person may feel awkward and uncomfortable in everyday social situations and have problems expressing their emotions. They can have an excessively literal understanding of language and so may not understand jokes and sarcasm.
The term “autism” (which literally means “selfism”) was first used by the psychiatrist Eugen Bleuler in 1911 to describe the social withdrawal and sense of detachment which affected many of his patients. In the early 20th century, clinicians who came into contact with autistic people often thought that their patients were experiencing schizophrenia until they realised that they were not displaying all the symptoms of that condition (people with autism do not suffer psychosis or a disintegration of personality). Research suggests autism is caused by a range of factors, both genetic and environmental.
As there are different degrees of autism, people commonly refer to the “autistic spectrum” and it can impact on people’s lives in a myriad of different ways. A person with severe autism may have significant learning difficulties, may find it hard to acquire basic skills and need a lifetime of specialist support, while another person with the form of autism known as Asperger’s Syndrome may be highly intelligent and able to perform a job successfully. One of the difficulties autism presents is that people with the condition don’t look disabled, so they are often misunderstood.
Life can seem very confusing and disconcerting for someone with autism. Although autistic people can be highly creative and artistic, they may struggle with what’s called “social imagination”. They may find it hard to predict what might happen next, to prepare for change and plan for the future. They can have difficulty coping with new and unfamiliar situations. To try to reduce the unpredictability of the world, autistic people often love routines and may have difficulty adjusting if their routine is disrupted. They may want to dress the same kind of way, take the same route to work and eat the same food each day. Physical contact can be very intimidating so they may have difficulty forming relationships and choose to remain single.
People with autism may show a variety of unusual traits. For example, some are obsessed with clock-watching. If you tell them you will arrive at 3 pm, they will become very upset if you’re only slightly late. An autistic child may spend hours arranging objects in neat rows, covering every room in the house with perfectly lined items. If someone attempts to move them, this will result in him throwing a tantrum.
Henry Cavendish displayed a number of characteristics associated with autism. As well as displaying an obsessive attention to detail and intense concentration, he was noted for his trouble relating to other people and spoke very hesitantly. One contemporary declared that “Cavendish probably uttered fewer words in the course of his life than any man who lived to four-score years”.
Autistic people often choose to spend time on their own rather than with other people and Cavendish himself declared that he had a “singular love of solitariness”. Apart from attending the weekly meetings of the Royal Society Club, Cavendish did his best to avoid company. Abnormally reclusive, he never established any close relationships outside his family and would only communicate with his servants in writing, ordering his dinner by putting a note on the hall table. He was particularly shy around women so, to avoid encountering his housekeeper, he added a back staircase to his house. His staff were told to keep out of sight if they wanted to avoid being dismissed.
Sometimes Cavendish literally ran away when a visitor arrived at his door. Those meeting him were advised not to make eye contact with him but to talk “as if to the air” and then wait for him to reply or walk away. He built his library four miles from his home to minimise the amount of contact he had with other people. His approach to life was so methodical that he never opened one of his books for his own use without entering it in the loan book. Even his principal heir Lord George Cavendish only saw him for a few minutes each year. Famous for his taciturn personality, one of his contemporaries described Henry Cavendish as the “coldest and most indifferent of mortals”.
Cavendish showed little interest in having his research published or gaining recognition for his achievements. He didn’t even communicate many of his findings to his fellow scientists. A number of his discoveries only became public knowledge when other scientists, such as James Clerk Maxwell, went through his papers many years after his death. If all his work had been published during his lifetime, his reputation and influence would have been even greater than it already is.
Similarly, Dirac was known for his extreme reticence, literal-mindedness, lack of empathy and rigid patterns of behaviour. He avoided company as much as possible, preferring to take solitary walks. An extreme introvert who rarely displayed any emotion, he is believed to have cried only once, when his friend Einstein died. He was prone to very long silences and his disinterest in small talk and social niceties was legendary. His Cambridge colleagues jokingly created a new unit called a Dirac and defined it as one word per hour. The eminent physicist Niels Bohr once complained, “This Dirac, he seems to know a lot of physics, but he never says anything.”
Always an intensely shy man, Dirac almost turned down the Nobel Prize because he didn’t want the publicity. He only accepted it when his colleagues pointed out to him that rejecting the prize would generate far more publicity than accepting it. When he arrived to collect the Nobel Prize, he caused confusion and panic by sitting quietly in the railway station’s waiting room while the welcoming committee of grandees lined up on the platform became increasingly worried about his whereabouts.
It is possible that Dirac’s behaviour was a reaction to his bleak, unhappy childhood. He once said, “I never knew love or affection when I was a child”. Dirac’s father, a Swiss immigrant, was an overly strict and authoritarian man who bullied his wife and insisted that Paul spoke only French at home even though they were living in England. Dirac’s elder brother killed himself in 1925. Nevertheless, Paul Dirac displays all the classic signs of autism.
There are many anecdotes about Dirac’s unconventional personality, which provide a revealing insight into his excessively logical and precise approach to the world around him. One year Dirac had to attend a conference in a castle that was believed to be haunted. When a guest mentioned that a ghost was meant to appear in one room at midnight, Dirac asked, “Is that midnight Greenwich Mean Time or midnight British Summer Time?”
The Russian physicist Peter Kapitza once lent Dirac a copy of Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment. When Dirac returned the book, Kapitza asked him what he thought of it. Dirac’s only comment on Dostoevsky’s literary masterpiece was, “It is nice but in one of the chapters the author made a mistake. He describes the sun rising twice on the same day”.
After one of his lectures, Dirac invited questions from his audience. One person commented, “Professor Dirac, I do not understand how you derived the formula on the top left side of the blackboard”. Dirac snapped, “This is not a question. It is a statement. Next question, please.” On another occasion, Dirac was attending a dinner party when a guest happened to remark that it was windy outside. Dirac left the table, walked over to the door, peered out, returned to his seat and replied that it was indeed windy.
Dirac, like many autistic people, had difficulty interpreting the thoughts and actions of those around him. He also struggled with the to-and-fro nature of conversations. At St John’s College, he was once asked where he was going on holiday. After about 20 minutes, he replied, “Why do you want to know?”
He also liked to come up with theories for the most ordinary aspects of everyday life. At a party in Copenhagen, Dirac proposed a theory to determine the distance at which a woman’s face looks its best. He argued that if a person were too far away, he or she would not be able to see the face at all while if a person were too close, the face would be distorted by the eye’s small aperture and any blemishes would become exaggerated. This meant there must be an optimum distance for looking at a woman’s face.
People with autism often have difficulty fitting in socially. In 1929, Dirac sailed to a conference in Japan with the scientist Werner Heisenberg. At that time both Heisenberg and Dirac were single men in their twenties but whereas Heisenberg liked to flirt with women, Dirac hated any form of socialising and did his best to avoid unnecessary contact with other people. One day on the ship, Dirac asked Heisenberg, “Why do you dance?”. Heisenberg replied, “When there are nice girls, it is a pleasure.” Dirac contemplated this concept for five minutes and then asked in consternation, “But, Heisenberg, how do you know beforehand that the girls are nice?”
Despite his uneasiness with company, Dirac married Margit, the sister of the Hungarian physicist Eugene Wigner, in 1937 and they remained together until he died. According to one account, somebody visiting Dirac, unaware of his marriage, showed surprise at encountering an attractive woman in the house. Dirac introduced Margit with the words, “This is Wigner’s sister, who is now my wife”.
Autistic people may appear insensitive because they can find it hard to recognize and respond to other people’s feelings. Dirac was famous for his apparently emotionless responses to events. When Margit complained that he hadn’t answered her questions about feelings in their love letters, he systematically compiled the questions into a grid and answered them one by one. During their 45-year marriage, his behaviour sometimes infuriated his wife. One day when Margit yelled at him, “What would you do if I left you?”, Dirac thought for a while and then replied, “I’d say, ‘Goodbye dear.'”
Dirac’s autism never posed an obstacle to his scientific career. Indeed, it has been claimed his autistic traits were vital to his success as a physicist. His extraordinary ability to concentrate and focus on the task in hand, his adeptness at ordering scientific information in a systematic way, his visual imagination and his self-centredness all helped him in his career. In his diary, Dirac wrote that during his postgraduate years he spent all his time on research, only taking a break on Sundays for a long solitary walk. If Dirac hadn’t been autistic his achievements may not have been so immense.
The same could easily be said about Cavendish. As a result of his autism, Cavendish devoted himself to his research with an enthusiasm that came close to obsession. His work was renowned for its range, thoroughness, precision and accuracy. He was always meticulous in his approach, often repeating an experiment numerous times.
Obviously, Cavendish and Dirac were exceptionally gifted scientists. But it is perfectly possible for many people with autism to lead a fulfilling life. Often people with Asperger’s Syndrome can train themselves to make eye contact, smile, shake hands and to add animation to their voice when they meet someone. And autistic people may use certain tactics to help them cope with everyday life. Telephones can be particularly frightening – it’s common for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome to jump when a phone rings. But if they use caller ID, this reduces the fear by reducing the sense of the unknown.
Autism presents a challenge both to the person living with the condition and to their loved ones. Some families may find it difficult and embarrassing to explain an autistic relative’s strange behaviour to their friends and acquaintances. Parents may receive disapproving looks from members of the public who assume that they simply have a very naughty, disobedient child. An autistic person may have no sense of danger so those close to them have to be permanently vigilant.
However, according to those with experience of living with an autistic person, the key step to take is to stop trying to make the autistic person more “normal”. Instead of expecting the autistic person to speak in your language, you have to learn to speak in his. One family found they could communicate with their autistic member by using toys and puppets. They altered their tone of voice to one that made him feel more relaxed and put him at his ease. Now they have reached the point where they see his autism not as a condition but more as a facet of his personality.
A prenatal test for autism is not yet available but it soon could be. Already it is possible to use embryo selection during IVF to reject babies with autism genes. This could have the effect of preventing individuals like Henry Cavendish and Paul Dirac with brilliant scientific and mathematical skills from being born. Is this what we want to happen? If scientists do develop a test to detect autism in foetuses, and doctors advise mothers to consider termination of their pregnancy if their baby tests ‘positive’, what would society lose in reducing the number of children born with autism?
Few people would recognize the names of Paul Dirac and Henry Cavendish today. Outside the world of science they are little known. In this special year for science, it would be a fitting tribute to their achievements if we all set out not only to expand our knowledge of science but also to increase our understanding of autism.
In these early years of the 21st century we are beginning to see autism in a fresh light. We have begun to acknowledge that people with autism can have their own special abilities. Thanks to the exceptional skills autism gave Dirac and Cavendish, such as their capacity for deep concentration and the visualisation of numbers and patterns, they perceived things that even the best of their contemporaries were unable to comprehend. Above all, autism forces us to change our perceptions of what “normal” behaviour is. As Brian Cathcart observes: “That which made Dirac strange may also have given the world a genius”. Instead of wanting to eliminate autism, perhaps we as a society need to learn to accept that there really is no such thing as “normal” behaviour.
Further reading:
The Strangest Man: The Hidden Life of Paul Dirac by Graham Farmelo
For general information about autism – National Autistic Society
Source: Â http://www.newstatesman.com/society/2010/11/dirac-autism-autistic
 
 Henry Cavendish (1731 – 1810)Â
http://www.1902encyclopedia.com/C/CAV/henry-cavendish.html
Book: The Life of the Hon. Henry Cavendish
http://books.google.com/books?id=_q03AAAAMAAJ&pg=PA1&dq=cavendish+henry#v=onepage&q&f=false
Henry Cavendish
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Cavendish
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Article Date: 24 Nov 2010 – 2:00 PST
The combination of caffeine and glucose can improve the efficiency of brain activity, according to a recent study in which functional magnetic resonance imaging was used to identify the neural substrate for the combined effects of these two substances. The study, which was published in the journal Human Psychopharmacology: Clinical and Experimental, is led by the researchers Josep M. Serra Grabulosa, from the Department of Psychiatry and Clinical Psychobiology at the UB and a member of the August Pi i Sunyer Biomedical Research Institute (IDIBAPS); Ana Adan, a lecturer from the same department and a member of the UB’s Institute of Brain, Cognition and Behaviour (IR3C); and Carles Falcón, a member of the Biomedical Research Networking Center in Bioengineering, Biomaterials and Nanomedicine (CIBER-BBN).
“Our main finding is that the combination of the two substances improves cognitive performance in terms of sustained attention and working memory by increasing the efficiency of the areas of the brain responsible for these two functions”, explains Josep M. Serra Grabulosa. This supports the idea of a synergistic effect between two substances, in which each one boosts the effect of the other.
Specifically, the team found that individuals who consumed caffeine and glucose in combination showed reduced brain activation associated with the task in the bilateral parietal cortex and the left prefrontal cortex two regions that actively participate in attention and working memory processes. The reduced activity and the fact that no drop in behavioural performance was observed during the task suggests that the brain is more efficient under the combined effect of the two substances, since it needs fewer resources to produce the same level of performance than required by those subjects who were administered the placebo or who took only caffeine or glucose.
Read in Full:Â http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/209105.php
 
Trichotillomania, what I’ll refer to as trich, is a fascinating, albeit brutal, emotional/mental health disorder. It doesn’t get the press it deserves, so how ’bout we take a peak? We’ll begin with this first in a series of two articles.
Trichotillomania is all about hair-pulling behavior. The preferred sites are the scalp, eyebrows, and eyelashes. But hair on the face, nose, pubic and perirectal areas, chest, arms, and legs are fair game. Most often used in the act of pulling are fingers, tweezers, pins, and other creative instruments.
At its worst, the pulling behavior can become so intense and chronic that it leads to very noticeable bald spots. And in some ten percent of trich cases the pulled hair is eaten (trichophagia), causing a potentially dangerous bezoar – a fancy medical term for, in this case, a hairball.
A trich episode is often induced by a stressful event or mood situation. However, an episode may spontaneously emerge in the midst of calm. Regardless, the behavior is generated by an urge. And a sense of relief is often realized after the urge has been acted upon.
Though trich behaviors can be conscious acts, they’re very frequently performed unconsciously – almost as though the individual is in a trance. In most cases, trich doesn’t result in a significant compromise in emotional and mental functioning; however, the social ramifications may be severe. I mean, we’re dealing with bald spots and, perhaps, wigs, and creative hairstyles and make-up schemes.
Sadly, peers, friends – even family members – may find it difficult to be socially associated with a trich sufferer. And the self-esteem impact of that bit of reality can be devastating.
Trich’s average age of onset is between the ages of nine and fourteen, and it’s much more prevalent in the first twenty years of life. It presents 75-95% of the time in females. It’s thought that 5% of the world’s population is affected by trich. However, that figure may be light because stigma often results in trich sufferers keeping their circumstances to themselves.
Read in Full:Â http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=41219&cn=114
Jan
22
 
At the core of extreme narcissism is egotistical preoccupation with self, personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how he/she is perceived by others. Some amount of basic narcissism is healthy, of course, but this type of narcissism is better termed as responsibly taking care of oneself. It is what I would call “normal†or “healthy†narcissism.
Extreme narcissists tend to be persons who move towards eventually cutting others off and becoming emotionally isolated. There are all types of levels on that road to isolation. Narcissists come in all shapes, sizes, and degrees. I would like to address how a person becomes an extreme narcissist.
Narcissism, in lay terms, basically means that a person is totally absorbed in self. The extreme narcissist is the center of his own universe. To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used. It usually starts with a significant emotional wound or a series of them culminating in a major trauma of separation/attachment. No matter how socially skilled an extreme narcissist is, he/she has a major attachment dysfunction. The extreme narcissist is frozen in childhood. He/she became emotionally stuck at the time of his/her major trauma of separation/attachment. In my work with extreme narcissist patients I have found that their emotional age and maturity corresponds to the age they experienced their major trauma. This trauma was devastating to the point it almost killed that person emotionally. The pain never was totally gone and the bleeding was continuous. In order to survive, this child had to construct a protective barrier that insulates him/her from the external world of people. He/she generalized that all people are harmful and cannot be trusted. The protective insulation barrier he/she constructed is called a false persona. He/she created a false identity. This identity is not the true person inside. The many types of false personas or identities that an extreme narcissist creates can vary. Some narcissists may have the ability to change into a variety of identities according to the situation. The wounded child inside may choose to present a front as a “bad ass†and tough individual. He/she may look, by appearance, intimidating and scary to the average person. He could also play the “nice guy/person†whom everyone likes. A corporate type version can be one that is diplomatic, proper, and appearing to care but in reality does not. Another very likeable extreme narcissist can be the one that chooses the comedian role. He/she is the life of the party and has everyone in stitches, making them laugh constantly. Everyone wants to include this person because they are a lot of fun. Try to get close or ask personal questions as to how he/she is internally doing and feeling and you will find is that he/she will quickly distract you. They will sidestep the question with another joke, making you suddenly forget what you were asking. Narcissists can be very skilled at dodging and ducking personal questions. If you press them, they will then slot you as “unsafe†and will begin to avoid you and exclude you from their life. There is also the success oriented narcissist. He/she will be your friend and keep you close to him/her as long as you are useful. Once you do not have anything more to offer and he/she has taken all they wanted from you, you are history. You are no longer desired, wanted, or sought.
Read in Full:Â http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/
 
Managing Holiday Stress: Families + Holidays Do Not Always = Warm and Fuzzy Times
- *Plan some kind of an activity or conversation starters.
- *Gather old family photos and get people to share stories. Keep the conversation light and find ways to reminisce about happy times.
- *Interview the oldest generation about their childhood memories.
- *Play a family trivia game.
- *Be creative as you think up ways to keep the conversation headed in a good direction.
- *We plan to turn our old videos to dvds for each family and watch a little old time television. We hope that all of the generations will get a smile from some of the clips of our childhood.
- 2. Brush up on your own communication and conflict resolution skills. Find ways to keep your own cool. Learn some words and phrases to use that might ease tension. You will have to think of ones that fit your specific family situation and might include something like:
- “We are all different in our ideas. Let’s not try to convince each other to change his or her thinking on this special day. We only see each other a few times a year. Let’s create good memories and appreciate what we do have in common and like about each other.†Then quickly offer a new idea for the conversation.
- 3. Enlist a few other trusted relatives as your aides to keep the conversation flowing in a good direction and deflect tension and stress.
- 4. Remember, when people talk about themselves, they generally feel appreciated and this might help them to be more positive with others. Spend time, or get one of your co-conspirators to spend time, with those relatives who might be more critical or difficult. Help them to feel special by showing interest in what is going on with them and in their life.

Alone for Thanksgiving, Alone for Christmas
 
Common Holiday Stressors for Families in Recovery and How to Manage Them
- *When parts of the family know about the recovery of one its members and others do not, it can create an underlying tension and anxiety among some family members.
- *While the non-addicted spouse has forgiven the alcoholic/addict, the in-laws perhaps have not. The newly recovering person may not even be welcome in the in-laws’ home.
- *An addict in early recovery is often faced with the unpleasant decision of whether to attend family gatherings where the rest of the family is still drinking or using.
- *People in recovery may operate from an emotional position of guilt and shame, and may want to make up for previous inappropriate behavior through excessive spending.
- *The recovering person and his/her family members may feel enough pressure to engage in other seasonal activities which takes them away from routine recovery activities.
- *One or both sides of the family may feel more entitled because of what they have been through, while both sides of the family are demanding that the holidays be spent with them.
- *Recovering people often find themselves sucked into old interaction patterns in their families of origin, and discover that they are behaving in ways that they have tried hard to change.
- *Many addicted people also have underlying anxiety disorders, especially social anxiety. Large gatherings or travel can be especially difficult for people with anxiety problems.
 

