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Warning: Facebook May Be Hazardous to Your Relationship


Dana Vince, M.A., LPC, MHSP Updated: Oct 21st 2010


There are more than 400 million active users on Facebook. It has grown into a huge social networking site. While it is useful in that it gives you access to all your networks of friends and family and helps you stay in touch, there are some dangers to be aware of. In my practice, I have had a steadily increasing number of couples with complaints that Facebook has become an issue in their relationship. It doesn’t have to be, but if you are not careful, it can certainly wreak havoc.


Infidelity happens at the place where vulnerability meets opportunity and a choice is made. Anyone can be vulnerable to an affair. It is a dangerous thing to think your relationship is affair-proof. Vulnerability can result from issues in the relationship: poor communication, disconnection, or lack of intimacy. Vulnerability can result from external circumstances such as grieving the death of a loved one, loss of a job, birth of a child, anything that causes undue stress. Vulnerability can result from personal issues such as lack of self-worth, fear of intimacy, or substance abuse.


Opportunity for an affair can come in different forms. It can come in the form of a friend, a co-worker, or friendly neighbor. In recent times, the Internet has broadened the depth of opportunity that is out there for an affair to occur.


Here is where Facebook becomes a threat. This is where people connect with ex-lovers, ex-flames, an ex-crush, or even with an old friend, and it might feel nostalgic to reminisce. This nostalgia can be mistaken for love interest. This may be innocent on the surface, but to the couple who is struggling, it becomes a great threat.


Here are some boundaries that may reduce the threat of Facebook on your relationship:


  • *Be each other’s “Friend” so that nothing is hidden.
  • *Do not connect with an old flame on Facebook unless you talk about it openly with your spouse and your spouse is comfortable with you doing so. But if you are having any difficulties in your relationship, avoid this at all costs.
  • *Do not discuss any marital problems with people on Facebook. This is where the potential to share and relate opens the door to a deeper connection that threatens your relationship.
  • *Make clear on your profile page that you are married or in a relationship.
  • *If members of the opposite sex begin inappropriate sexual or flirtatious banter, put an end to it immediately and share it with your spouse.

Read in Full: http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=40915&cn=289


An Education for Marriage: Pew Report Confirms a College Degree Helps Relationships Succeed


Forget what your grandmother told you: Smart is sexy.

For years, newspapers and magazines have run stories about the so-called plight of the educated woman. The conventional wisdom was that women with a college or graduate degree were overqualified for love and unattractive to men. Social critics worried about this “success penalty” and predicted a crisis of smart but unhappy spinsters.


Fast forward to 2010 and think again: College-educated women under the age of 40 are just as likely to marry as their less educated sisters, according to a Pew Research Center’s Social and Demographic Trends project analysis of sixty years of Census data released this week, and researchers are waiting for the “crossover” in the next few years where the marriage rates of these female college grads will surpass those of women with less education.


I predicted this demographic change in 2006 in Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, arguing that the success penalty was a thing of the past for young women. More than 90% of men 25-40 say they are seeking — or already married to — a woman as or more intelligent, according to a nationally representative survey commissioned for my research. Forget what your grandmother told you: Smart is sexy.


Indeed, good news for educated Americans abounds in this week’s Pew report. Men and women of all educational backgrounds are delaying marriage, but college-educated young adults are slightly more likely to marry by age 30 and significantly more likely to marry by age 40. Among 35-to-39 year-olds, four-fifths of college-educated adults have married but only three-quarters of less educated adults have married. Perhaps most importantly, college graduates are more likely to be financially stable within those unions and less likely to divorce.


A college degree is a desirable trait in a mate, both as an investment in future earnings and in interesting dinner conversation. In mate-preference rankings, education/intelligence is in the top five most essential qualities in a mate — ranked with love, maturity and dependability — for both men and women, while in the 1930s it ranked 11th for men and 9th for women, according to research I’m conducting with Christie Boxer at the University of Iowa.


Read in Full:  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-101/201010/education-marriage-pew-report-confirms-college-degree-helps-relationships-succe




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