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Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and never moreso than for those on the autism spectrum. As many have intense interests and a requirement for time alone which their health depends upon, striking a healthy balance that meets the needs of both or all friends/partners is essential. Many seek friendships/relationships with others who are also on the autism spectrum, those whom they feel will best understand, accept and respect them for who they are. While this may work out wonderfully for some, naturally, compatibility is never guaranteed. Much in life is trial and error as we grow and learn from our experiences. Some relationships on the spectrum thrive where couples live in an unconventional manner by society’s standards, living largely in separate residences, while married or committed to one another, or perhaps under the same roof, but retiring to separate rooms. Such couples are known to make the most of the time they do share together. Absence makes the heart grow fonder may well become the mantra! Communication does not come easy for most on the spectrum, but where there is a commitment to make a relationship work, to make a relationship last, the benefits are enormous, for those so inclined. Often, being explicit in verbal/written form, clearly stating wants and needs, can make all the difference.


Many take for granted the ability to read body language, the ability to recognise, engage in and enjoy flirtatious exchange. Some on the spectrum report an inability to pick up on flirting along with the usual cues that represent a show of interest from prospective partners. The presence of mind and self confidence required to say the right thing at the right time, do the right thing at the right time – all in all, be the person your partner needs you to be and vice versa may not come easy for even the smoothest lothario – all relationships require work and TLC. There are some AS/NT relationships that work well and others that have benefited from an autism/AS-friendly Counselor. Those relationships that work best, tend to involve:

  • 1.  A willingness to accept and respect, even cherish difference.

  • 2.  An understanding of the need for independent alone-time in order for the partner on the spectrum to recharge his or her batteries at regular intervals(without taking it personally).

  • 3.  Acceptance that feelings may be expressed via ‘actions’ rather than words.

  • 4.  Communication that is clear and concise, minus hidden meanings and/or nagging.

  • 5.  Regular quality alone time “together” to enjoy shared interests.

  • 6.  A genuine commitment toward the relationship, a willingness to compromise and to genuinely listen to one another.


There are a portion of those on the spectrum who have no wish to form a physical relationship as many consider themselves asexual. However, this does not necessarily mean they do not seek out friendships and close relationships with significant others. There exists some who do choose to go it alone however, seemingly requiring and enjoying minimal time with people in general and who throw themselves into their life’s work and their interests which to them are as essential as the air they breathe. What makes a happy and contented life for one, may be another’s poison. Sadly, there will always be some who struggle with loneliness, on the spectrum or otherwise, for whom friendships/relationships are or were too difficult to maintain for one reason or another throughout life. Finding a career and/or interests may help fill the void to some extent. Other options include working on individual character strengths and weaknesses in a bid to finding a partner and allowing friendships/relationships to form naturally over time through shared interests. Young or mature, age itself is no barrier to finding someone.

The following articles are but a small collection that I hope will grow as time goes on. Please note that while some articles are autism specific, others are not necessarily representative of relationships for those on the autism spectrum, but cover relationships in general.



“Online Dating on the Autism Spectrum”:

Autistic Couple Bound To Each Other – And Their Art”:

They’re Autistic – And They’re In Love”:

The Challenge of Relationships in Adulthood and Asperger’s Syndrome”:

Does your Partner Have Asperger’s?”:

Autism In Love: Dating, Marriage and Confusion in an Aspie Relationship”:

New Light Shed On Male & Female Brain Differences”:

The Relationship Dance”:

Relationships:What Attracts A Woman To A Man: Facial Attractiveness Explained/Why a Broken Heart Really Does Hurt: Scientists Find Social Rejection is Physically Painful”:

Communication in Relationships: Key Questions to Consider in Significant Relationships/12 Things You Want Your In-Laws To Know/9 Steps To Better Communication Today/Why Do We Choose Our Mates? Ask Charles Darwin, Prof Says”:

Relationships: The Attractions of Humour/Long-Term Happiness/Marriage/When A Friendship Ends/Broken Heart Syndrome”:

Health Effects of Divorce, Widowhood Linger Even After Remarriage”:

The Internet Helps Teenagers with Social Relationships”:

Relationships: Includes Remarriage, Respect & Communication, Reducing Divorce Rates, Friendships Etc”:

Relationships: Female Friends, Supporting Divorced Families, Apologizing To A Woman, Personality, Do Opposites Attract?, Marital Satisfaction Etc”:

Top Worries During Christmas 2009: Money, Relationships And Health”:

Relationships: 6 Ways To Show You Care/Study: Marriage Wards Off Blues/Managing Conflict”:

Relationships: Recession & Marriage, What’s The Impact?, Conflict, Heartbroken? Take A Tylenol(Seriously)”:

Relationships: Co Dependent or Addicted to Love?, Desire May Skew Reality, The Scent of a Woman, Fidelity, Facebook”:

Couples with Shared Identity & Conflict Resolution, Pretty Women & Anger Issues, Men & Guilt, Romance in the Digital World, Emotional Affair Recovery, Valentine’s Day & More”:

Relationships: Support, Jealousy, Valentines, Keeping The Flame Alive, Cars & Male Appeal, Living Together, Taller Than Your Man?, Pride”:

Relationships: Kindness Key To Dating Success?, Tips For Valentine’s, Just Met, Do I Know You?, If Marriage Is So Good …”:

Relationships: A Healthy Relationship, Mixed families, Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies & More”:

Relationships: The Attraction of Red, Psychology of Touch, Facebook Profiles, Self Knowledge, Marriage Problems?, Soothing Approaches”:

Relationships: Men’s Preference For The Hourglass Figure, The Last Taboo, Teen Relationships & More”:

Relationships: Playing Hard To Get. Does it Work?, The Truth About Open Marriage, Confidence, Grandparenting, Jealousy, Emotional Resiliency & More”:

Relationships: Controlling Men, Male & Misunderstood, Questions About Marriage, Monogomy & Multiple Relationships & More …”:

Relationships: 5 Secrets For Successful Long-Term Relationships, Online Dating, Hooking Up vs Dating, Sex Without Romance, Finding Long Lost Friends & More …”:

Relationships: ADHD & Relationships, Family Tree Research May Cause Rifts, Affairs of the Mind, Forgiveness, Loss Of A Spouse, Seniors & Loneliness, Darwin’s Theory of Sexual Selection & More …”:

Relationships: Intelligence & Exclusivity, A Marriage Made In Hormones, Indifference, Serial Adultery, Alcohol Dependence, Choosing a Partner & More …”:

Relationships: Friends First, Understanding Male Friendships, The Power of the Ex, One Dating Trait of a Successful Future Mate, Intimacy & Vulnerability & More …”:

Relationships: Highest Quality Marriages, Narcissism’s First Cousin, What Makes a True Friend, Adolescent Dating, Good Girls, Bad Girls, Older Men & Sexual Issues & More …”:

Relationships: To Love Well, You Have To Sometimes Feel Inadequate, The Sound of Seduction, Shyness Affects Marital Quality, An Inconvenient Truth: Monogomy & Libido, Happiness Interview & More …”:

Relationships: Daily Appreciation Helps Romance, Overcoming Anger In Relationships, Men Literally Die For Sex(Male Mortality), Giving & Accepting An Apology, Female Friendships”:.

Relationships: How To Ask For What You Want, Relationships & The Silent Treatment, Rejection, Dating & Self Esteem, Shared Solitude & More …”:

Relationships: Others Influence Our Choice Of Mates, Concerned From Tunbridge Wells, Have A Happy Marriage …”:

Relationships: Speaking Male, Speaking Female, Broken Hearts Hurt Men More Than Women, Relationship Insecurity Ups Health Risks”:

Relationships: Better For Men To Be Macho Than Modest, A Tricky Transaction, Make-Up Sex & Self Sabotage, Ending Relationships Via New Media, Former Lovers & Trust & More …”:

Inception And Dangerous Ideas In Relationships”:

Relationships: Women Attracted To Men In Red, I Want You … Go Away!, Unequal Love Across The Color Line, Marriage Lowers Stress, Watch That Work Schedule, Women & Sexuality & More …”:

Relationships: Time-Starved Relationships, 2 Heads Are Better Than 1 – With The Right Partner, Do Couples Grow More Alike With The Passage Of Time?, What Exactly Is A Hook-Up?”:

Relationships: Sons Reduce Likelihood Of Divorce, Coping With Divorce, The Bipolar Relationship, How To Improve Your Mood & Reduce Tension, How To Be Happy, Confucian Style”:

Relationships: Online Dating Insights, Can Other People Make Us Happy?, Freedom to Love & More …”:

Relationships: Positive Relationships, Do Opposites Attract?, Objectum Sexuality, The Best Way To Meet Someone Etc”:

Men Prefer A Pretty Face For A LTR, Seeking Happily Ever After: Tips For Singles, Evolutionary Perspective On After-Sex Behaviors, Fight Styles/Conflict Resolution & More …”:

Relationships: Imitation Of Language Suggests Blissful Relationship, Snapshot of America’s Sexual Behaviors, 8 Habits Of Lousy Listeners, The Allure Of Red, Can’t Buy Me Love, But Happiness?”:

Relationships: Love Can Ease Pain, Selfless Genes Attract Mates, Visual Clues Linked To Male Sexual Memory, Online Dating, 3 Danger Signs Of An Affair, How Friends Affect Your Brain & More …”:

Relationships: Facebook May Be Hazardous To Your Relationship, Forget What Grandma Taught You: Smart Is Sexy”:

Relationships: Man With Asperger’s Syndrome Finds Love With First Girl He Was Able To Look In The Eye”:

“Relationships: Falling Only Takes About A Fifth Of A Second, Flirting, Emotional Intimacy, Affair Prevention, Divorce, Couples, Resilience & Cancer, 10 Tips To Enhance Love Bonds & More”:

“Relationships: Strategies For Communication & Maintenance, The Neurology of Love & Marriage, Innovation In The Bedroom, Difficult Emotions & More …”:

Relationships: Women of Means Prefer Older Men, Forgiveness When Love Is On The Rocks, Newly Married Couples, Benefits of Joining Groups”:

“Relationships: Sex & Morality, Divorce & Reconciliation, Marriage Good For Men Physically & Women Mentally, Double-Dating Improves Romance, Online Dating, Healing From Infidelity & More …”

“Relationships: 5 Top Skills To Entice Love & Respect, What Defensivesness Means in a Couple Relationship, Intimacy, Learning to Trust, The Internet & It’s Effect on Marriage, Newlyweds, Revelation That Husband is Gay, Successful Marriages & More …”:

“Relationships: Forbidding Makes Your Heart Grow Fonder, Idealize Your Partner For a Happier Marriage, Forbidden Fruit, Attraction, Closure, Snow White, Online Love, Abusive Relationships, Getting the Love You Want, Over and Over Again & More …”:

“Relationships: 5 Keys To Building Strong Relationships In Any Sphere of Life, Sexual Chemistry and Keeping  Your Relationship Alive & More …”:

“Relationships: The Myth of ‘The One’, Borderline PD Challenges, Bipolar & Married, Returning Troops & Relationships & More …”:

“Navigating Love & Autism”:


Relate – The Relationship People”

COSRT – College of Sexual and Relationship Therapy”

Institute of Family Therapy”

2as1 – Family & Relationship Support Specialists”

BBC – Relationships”

Relationships Foundation”:

Divorce Aid: UK’s Leading Divorce Resource For Divorce Advice and Personal Help”


“Divorce Questions” – points out helpful questions and answers for those going through divorces, and it is especially useful for questions regarding financial issues and child matters. ~ Special Thanks to Jessica for a very useful and informative resource.

Forum: “ASD Relationships: Asperger’s and Autism in Relationships”

Relationships Forum and Online Community(Help & Advice):


Relationships & Communication – Forums at Psych Central”:

Sexuality & Gender Issues”:

Psych Central: Relationships”:

Quiz: How Strong Is Your Relationship?”:





[UK] Flame Introductions(25 and Over):


[UK] Stars in the Sky:


[UK] Special Friendship:


[Worldwide] Whispers4U:




[WorldWide] Dating for Special Needs Meet-Up Groups:


The 20 Most Useful Dating Websites:


100 Best Dating Websites:

Best UK Dating Sites of 2013:


Top Free Dating Sites:


Wavelength Dating(Dating Site for Single Parents of Special Needs Children): 




Asperger Meets Girl: Happy Endings for Asperger Boys

Jonathon Griffiths

The Love-Shy Survival Guide

Talmer Shockley

Autistics’ Guide to Dating: A Book by Autistics, for Autistics and Those Who Love Them

Emilia Murry Ramey and Jody John Ramey

Asperger Syndrome and Social Relationships

Adults Speak Out About Asperger Syndrome

Edited by Genevieve Edmonds and Luke Beardon

Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships

Temple Grandin and Sean Barron

Edited by Veronica Zysk

Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome: A Practical Guide to Day-to day Life

Nancy J. Patrick

Friendships: The Aspie Way

Wendy Lawson

Sex, Sexuality and the Autism Spectrum

Wendy Lawson, Glenys Jones

Making Sense of Sex: A Forthright Guide to Puberty, Sex and Relationships for People with Asperger’s Syndrome

Sarah Attwood

Autism: Asperger’s and Sexuality – Puberty and Beyond

Jerry and Mary Newport

Mozart and the Whale

An Asperger’s Love Story

Jerry and Mary Newport

with Johnny Dodd

Asperger Syndrome – A Love Story

Sarah Hendrickx and Keith Newton

Love, Sex and Long-Term Relationships: What People with Asperger Syndrome Really Really Want

Sarah Hendrickx

Foreword by Stephen M. Shore

Books About Relationships from Amazon”:


Articles Relating To This Title:

From News Archives : 24th February, 2006:

The film begins USA distribution in the two cities where it was filmed: Spokane, Washington and Cour D’Alene, Idaho. The opening weekend is April 14th, 2006. The studio will do a charity event for an autism organization in Spokane a few days before the opening. Cour D’Alene is the home of an adult support group which gave input to the project back in 2004, as did Jerry’s group in Los Angeles prior to production.(My thanks to Jerry)

Mozart and The Whale Review:

Articles Relating To This Title:

Adam: “Playing It Straight”

Is Adam The New Rain Man?

Autistic Portrayals in Cinema

Article Relating To This Title:

Article Relating to This Title:

1. Nora left…

Tuesday, 16 March 2010 10:47 pm

I notice there is nothing about being married to an Aspie woman Women do not get the best of humanities attentions, Aspie, NT or otherwise IMHO.

2. Julie left…

Thursday, 25 March 2010 11:07 pm

The first two articles include examples of what it is to be in a relationship with Aspie women from a male perspective. Mozart and the Whale(dvd & book) covers one example of being married to an Aspie woman, but you’re quite right in that there aren’t many male writers on the subject.