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By Jenise Harmon, LISW


Being in a close, loving relationship is many things. It’s comforting, satisfying, challenging, enlightening, and fun. The one thing that a close relationship is not, however, is simple.


In the beginning of a new relationship, the time I think of as the Golden Days, your partner can do no wrong. Snoring is cute. Picking up the socks that end up all over the house is an act of love. The thought of a serious fight seems impossible — until it happens.


The person you love the most, to whom you are closest, becomes irritating, stupid, or irrational. Suddenly the Golden Days are replaced with reality. You and your partner are shedding your pretenses. Neither you nor your loved one feels the need to impress the other. You are committed to each other. You’re comfortable together.


But the snoring starts to drive you crazy, and you resent the socks you have to pick up. Conflict arrives.

 

All couples experience conflict, but there are ways to minimize its pain and maximize its growth. Instead of drawing you and your partner apart, conflict can bring your relationship to a new level of intimacy. This happens not by chance, but through learning new ways of relating to your partner and new relationship skills.


1. Decide on a topic and a time.


If there is an issue you want to resolve with your partner, decide together on a time and day to discuss it. Don’t plan it for when you’re tired, or likely to be stressed. If you can, make it for when you’ll have the privacy and time you need. For some, this means talking after the kids are in bed, or when you can hire a babysitter. It may mean planning time on the weekend, when your stress level is lower. Make it an appointment that you have thought about and agreed upon with your partner, and stick to it.


2. Keep on topic.


I can’t stress this one enough. If you’ve set aside time to talk about needed home repairs, don’t start discussing how your partner didn’t take down the Christmas lights until August. It can be very easy to try to get all of your complaints in at once, but resist that temptation. This time is for the agreed-upon topic only. Otherwise you will both become overwhelmed, angry, and frustrated.


3. Learn how to actively listen.


Active listening is more than simply hearing. It is listening with all your attention on what your partner is saying. It means not thinking of what you want to say next, but focusing your entire self on your partner.


As you actively listen, you want to make sure what you’re hearing is what your partner is saying. Saying something like “so, it sounds like you’re really angry that I didn’t go with you to your work party” gives your partner space to clarify — “no, it wasn’t that. It was that you didn’t even ask me how it went when I came home.” Then you try again with a statement such as “you wanted me to show interest in it.”


Ask and clarify until your partner feels like you get it. It might feel strange at first, but once you get a handle on active listening, you will find it is an incredible tool to have for all sorts of conflict in your life, not just in your relationship.


Read in Full:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/29/5-relationship-skills-for-conflicts/

Johnny Depp

15 Celebrity Quotes For Love, Laughter, And Life


By Alicia Sparks


The late historian and journalist Hendrik Willem van Loon once said, “Somewhere in the world there is an epigram for every dilemma.”


I think that’s why I love quotes so much. It might take a little digging, but you can almost always find a quote for every situation – the good, the bad, and the somewhere in between.


So, as we get closer and closer to 2011, I thought it might be fun to look at a few thought-provoking or inspirational quotes from some of our favorite celebrities.


After all, no matter what kind of year 2010 was, and no matter how we expect 2011 to go, each of us could use a line or two to make us pause, reflect, and plan – whether they’re quotes on love, quotes about friendship, funny quotes, or quotes about life in general.


After the jump, and in no particular order, check out 15 celebrity quotes that might inspire you for 2011.

 

Disclaimer: Each of these celebrity quotes was nipped from one of several garden variety quotation websites – www.thinkexist.com, www.brainyquote.com, www.goodquotes.com, and the sort. Any inaccuracies aren’t the responsibility of Celebrity Psychings, Psych Central, or anyone affiliated.


In other words, these are not exclusive and you can easily hunt your own celebrity quotes if you please. :)


1. “The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.” – Jennifer Aniston


2. “The only rule is don’t be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.” – Paris Hilton


3. “I try to believe like I believed when I was five…when your heart tells you everything you need to know.” – Lucy Liu


4. “You make mistakes, but I don’t have any regrets. I’m the kind of person who takes responsibility for it and deals with it. I learn from everything I do.” – Kim Kardashian


5. “I’ve just got to maintain my passion for what I do.” – Leonardo DiCaprio


6. “The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.” – Eminem


7. “You’ve got enemies? Good, that means you stood up for something in your life.” – Eminem


8. “We’re all damaged in our own way. Nobody’s perfect. I think we are all somewhat screwy, every single one of us.” – Johnny Depp


9. “Once you hit 40, you start re-examining the math of it all. I’ll trade wisdom for youth any day.” – Brad Pitt


10. “I’m my own person, and people can say whatever they want. I’m still going to be the person that I am.” – Lindsay Lohan


11. “You know, what can I say. If a relationship can’t work out, make a record.” – Miley Cyrus


12. “Sometimes you just need your privacy.” – Rihanna


13. “Sexiness is a state of mind – a comfortable state of being. It’s about loving yourself in your most unlovable moments.” – Halle Berry


Read in Full:

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/celebrity/2010/12/15-celebrity-quotes-for-love-laughter-and-life/



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