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Women of Means Prefer Older Men


By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on December 12, 2010

Some have already dubbed it the George Clooney Effect: Psychologists in Scotland have found that as women become more financially independent, they want an older, more attractive male partner.


Studies have previously found that women place greater emphasis on whether a man can provide for them, while men place more importance on good looks. The new study revealed that as women earn more and become more independent, their tastes actually change.


The finding suggests that greater financial independence gives women greater confidence in choosing their partner. Instinctive preferences for material stability and security become less important, physical attractiveness becomes more important, and the age of a woman’s partner also increases.


Lead researcher Dr. Fhionna Moore said: “Previous research shows that men place greater importance on physical attractiveness when picking a partner, whereas women focus much more on whether someone can provide material resources.


“We’d assumed that as women earn more, their partner preferences would actually become more like those of men, with a tendency towards preferring younger, more attractive partners rather than those who can provide and care for children.


“However, the preferred age difference did not change as we’d expected — more financially independent women actually preferred even older men. We think this suggests greater financial independence gives women more confidence in partner choices, and attracts them to powerful, attractive older men.”


Read in Full:  http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/12/12/women-of-means-prefer-older-men/21762.html


“Forgiveness is love in its most noble form”


How Can I Forgive You?: First Steps When Your Relationship is On the Rocks


Pat LaDouceur, Ph.D. Updated: Dec 15th 2010


Ron, a counseling client in his mid-40s, got right to the point. “I blew it, and I want to make it up to Jen. But no matter what I say it’s not enough. How can we move on?”


No Magic Words He’d made a mistake, a big one. He wanted to make amends, to bring back the closeness he and Jen had shared. He’d apologized, tried to be patient, tried to find the magic words that would comfort his partner. But what if there are no magic words?


Jen was felt betrayed, and she wasn’t ready to be comforted. “How can I forgive you when you can’t explain why it happened?” she asked.


Ron had no good answers yet. Answers would come later. Meanwhile he and Jen were caught like two people playing a life-or-death game of tic-tac-toe, where both people know all the moves, and nobody wins.


A Bad Decision


I should have known better, a few decades ago, than to scramble down a sandstone cliff. The rock was unstable, the tide at the bottom unpredictable. But the beach looked inviting and I followed my friends. I didn’t think it through until the beach started to disappear and we had to climb back to the top.


Of course a big mistake in a relationship is not exactly a cliff scramble, but there are some similarities. It was a bad decision. I should have known better. And there was no easy way out.


Ron was in that spot now, and as his counselor my job was to help him out of it. I needed to help him and Jen slow down enough to look at the terrain they were facing and map a path out. I had to understand Jen’s feeling of betrayal, and help her find words to talk to Ron not just about the anger, but also the hurt. And I needed to help Ron stay open and responsive even when the path forward seemed impossible.


Forgiveness is a Process: First Steps


When you’re facing a threat, your body goes into “fight or flight” mode. Your brain sends messages to your sympathetic nervous system. Your heart rate and breathing increase, thinking shuts down, and emotions run high. Conversations can feel rushed and urgent, and it’s hard to get to deeper feelings.


The first step is to slow down, physically and mentally. Forgiveness is a process, and a lot of it’s about showing up. So start calm. Take a few deep belly breaths and drop your shoulders. Create some safety by agreeing in advance when to talk, and how often. Agree on ways to keep the conversation calm.


The second step is to listen – really listen. When you feel anger and frustration, do what I do with my counseling clients: slow down and go deeper. Notice body sensations, like tension in your belly; and feelings, like anxious, sad, lonely, hopeless. For some people, this process leads into unfamiliar territory. Go slowly and take your time.


Sometimes You Can’t See the Path


The path up the Mendocino cliff got harder as I climbed. My friends reached the top and called words of encouragement. But they’d loosened some of the rocks and brush, and I kept slipping.


Then all my holds started to come loose at once – the rocks I was standing on, the tussocks of grass in my hands. One of my friends dropped to his belly and reached for me, telling me to grab his hand. But to do that, I had to let go.


I don’t know about you, but when I get scared I want to hang on. I want to keep my hands on something familiar, even if it isn’t working any more. My friend was asking the impossible: I couldn’t do it.


But in some small part of my brain I knew that my only hope was to take the risk. I had to fight my reflex, and let go. I had to trust.


Read in Full:  http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=41409&cn=289


Newly Married Couples and Sexual Frequency


Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. Updated: Dec 16th 2010


A variation on an old Frank Sinatra song is “Sex and Marriage Go Together Like Horse and Carriage” The original title was “love and marriage go together….”


However, the divorce rate informs us that marriage frequently brings neither satisfaction nor happiness.


A study conducted by Michelle Russell and James McNulty of the University of Tennessee, was published in a journal called, Social Psychological and Personality Science. The authors found that frequency of sex overcomes unhappiness in couples who are neurotic. Neurotic, what is that?


The psychological term, neurotic is no longer in use because it was found to be too vague and too general to be useful for psychiatrists and psychologists. Today, there are more precise terms and specific diagnoses found in Diagnostic Statistic Manual, Volume four, also referred to as the DSM IV.


In a general way, neurosis is referred to such symptoms as anxiety, depression, anger, irritability, phobias, lethargy, compulsiveness, constant complaining and negativity, dependence, insecurity, social avoidance and isolation, insecurity about becoming attached to another person, and many other types of symptoms. All of this and more came under the umbrella of neurosis.


Read in Full:  http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=41427&cn=1


People Who Join Groups Better Off Physically, Mentally, Emotionally


By Rick Nauert PhD Senior News Editor
Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on December 16, 2010


New research further bolsters the positive effects of social contacts, finding that participation in different social groups can improve mental health and help a person cope with stressful events.


The active involvement also leads to better physical health, improving an individual’s ability to withstand — and recover from — physical challenges.


Belonging to groups, such as networks of friends, family, clubs and sport teams, improves mental health because groups provide support, help you to feel good about yourself and keep you active.


But belonging to many different groups might also help to make you psychologically and physically stronger. People with multiple group memberships cope better when faced with stressful situations such as recovering from stroke and are even more likely to stay cold-free when exposed to the cold virus.


Drs. Janelle Jones and Jolanda Jetten of the University of Queensland in Australia were interested in how group memberships might give people the resilience to face novel and aversive challenges.


In one study, they asked a dozen soldiers undergoing ice-camp training to wear heart rate monitors while experiencing their first bobsled, luge, or skeleton runs—an exciting, but very stressful occasion. A trip down an icy course set everyone’s heart racing, but the soldiers who said they belonged to many groups returned to their normal heart rate faster than soldiers who did not.


And people with many memberships recovered from the stress more quickly.


To find out if making people aware of their group memberships would improve their resilience, Jones and Jetten randomly assigned 56 college students to think about one, three, or five groups that they were members of, and to take care to describe why the group was important to them. Then all participants began a very challenging physical task—keeping one hand in a bucket of near-freezing water.


The more group memberships the participants had thought about, the longer they were able to keep their hand in the icy water.


Read in Full:  http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/12/16/people-who-join-groups-better-off-physically-mentally-emotionally/21873.html


Love me tender.... by cattycamehome



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